DAGNABBIT!!!

Internet connection at the place where I work is down...for the past 30+days!!!

Sheesh! I hate it when I can't connect to the web. I can't interact with my friends abroad, can't efficiently do my duties at work, yada, yada, yada...

I have to rely on slow-connecting Internet Cards. Well, it's either that or go to an internet cafe and be sorrounded with pimply teenagers shouting while playing pc games, drooling old gay men surfing porn websites, or school girls giggling over the chat sites. I know that there are good internet cafes where one could enjoy quiet solitude somewhere, but I just don't have the time.

Sorry to all my friends out there, who constantly e-mail me and not receiving a reply asap.
I'll get back to you as soon as I can.

Oh, yeah, why Dagnabbit? I have just finished reading the Hunter's Blades Trilogy by R.A. Salvatore. Dagnabbit is a character from the Forgotten Realms. I guess it's a good word to write instead of the few curse words on my mind.

Maybe I'll write a book review on Hunter's Blades Trilogy soon. It's a good read, you should check it out.

IKEMBOT

IKEMBOT

Brownman Revival

Isayaw at ikembot mo

Ikembot-kembot mo hanggang

sa dulo ng walang hanggan

Huwag nang pigilan ang pag-indak

Sabayan ang aking awitin

Ilantad, iladlad ang lahat

Huwag nang isipin kung ano ang sasabihin nila

Kay tagal mo na 'tong sinusupil

Kay tagal mo nang naggigigil, hane

Huwag mo nang tutulan, hayaang mamulat

Huwag mo nang labanan, hayaang sumambulat

Isayaw at ikembot mo

Ikembot-kembot mo hanggang

Sa dulo ng walang hanggan

Isayaw at ikembot mo

Ikembot-kembot mo hanggang

Sa dulo ng walang hanggan

O kay sarap mong pagmasdan

Kembot mong pagkatakam-takam!

Mga halina ng nakaw na tingin

Matitiis mo ang hapdi ang kati hindi!

Huwag mo nang pigilan ang pag-indak

Sabayan ang aking awitin

Sabi nila hindi daw dapat

Huwag mo nang isipin, kita tayo sa labas nang . . .

Isayaw at ikembot mo

Ikembot-kembot mo hanggang

Sa dulo ng walang hanggan

Isayaw at kembot mo

Ikembot-kembot mo hanggang

Sa dulo ng walang hanggan

Matitiis mo ang hapdi, ang kati hindi!

THE LORD'S BASEBALL GAME

Bob and the Lord stood by to observe a baseball game. The Lord's team was playing Satan's team. The Lord's team was at bat, the score was tied zero to zero, and it was the bottom of the ninth inning with two outs. They continued to watch as a batter stepped up to the plate whose name was Love.

Love swung at the first pitch and hit a single, because Love never fails.The next batter was named Faith, who also got a single because Faith works with Love.The next batter up was named Godly Wisdom. Satan wound up and threw the first pitch. Godly Wisdom looked it over and let it pass: Ball one. Three more pitches and Godly Wisdom walked, because Godly Wisdom never swings at what Satan throws.The bases were now loaded.

The Lord then turned to Bob and told him.He was now going to bring in His star player. Up to the plate stepped Grace. Bob said, "He sure doesn't look like much!". Satan's whole team relaxed when they saw Grace. Thinking he had won the game, Satan wound up and fired his first pitch.

To the shock of everyone, Grace hit the ball harder than anyone had ever seen. But Satan was not worried; his centerfielder let very few get by. He went up for the ball, but it went right through his glove, hit him on the head and sent him crashing on the ground; then it continued over the fence for a home run!

The Lord's team has won.The Lord then asked Bob if he knew why Love, Faith, and Godly Wisdom could get on base but could not win the game. Bob answered that he did not know why.

The Lord explained, "If your Love, Faith, and Wisdom had won the game you would think you had done it by yourself. Love, Faith, and Wisdom will get you on base but only by My Grace can get you Home."

Special thanks to Nikki for this...

THE DON'Ts TO REMEMBER...

I was surfing the bulletin on Friendster today when I saw this one posted by my friendster pal Gerald. I thought you might get hit on the noggin by divine inspiration with this, so read on:

DON'T wait for time... Make it!

DON'T wait for love... Feel it!

DON'T wait for money... Earn it!

DON'T wait for the path... Find it!

DON'T wait for opportunity... Create it!

DON'T go for less... Get the best!

DON'T compare... Be unique!

DON'T avoid failure... Use it!

DON'T dwell on mistakes... Learn from it!

DON'T back down... Go around!

DON'T close your eyes... Open your mind!

DON'T run from life... Embrace and enjoy it!

I AM FLABBERGASTED!

Can you figure out how this works?

1. Go to the link below. After reading each window, click on Fido Dido in the lower right corner of the picture.
2. In the last window type in your answer in the white box using the keyboard (there is NO cursor).
3. Watch the paper in the boy's hand. You will be amazed. And no, I don't know how it's done (for now, that is).

http://digicc.com/fido

TEMPTATION

I was a happy man.

My girlfriend and I had been dating for over a year and now we had decided to get married. The planning went wonderfully. Both sets of parents helped us in every way. My friends were all happy for me and my girlfriend - she was a dream!

There was only one thing deeply bothering me.

That one thing was her younger sister.

My prospective sister-in-law was really vivacious, only twenty years old and drop-dead gorgeous. One day, the sister-in-law to be called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations.

She was alone when I arrived.

She whispered to me that it was not long to the wedding day, that she had strong desires for me that she couldn't and didn't really want to overcome! She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before I got married and committed my life to her sister.

I was in total shock.

She said, "I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want to go ahead with it, just come up and get me."

I was stunned, frozen in shock as I watched her wiggle her way up the stairs. I stood there for a moment, then turned and went straight to the front door of the house.

I opened the door, stepped out and walked straight towards my car.

Standing on the front path was my future father-in-law.

With tears in his eyes, he hugged me and said, "Well done! Wonderful! We are so happy that you have passed our little test of temptation. We could not ask for a better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family!"

Moral of this story is: ALWAYS KEEP YOUR CONDOMS IN THE CAR

Thanks to Ray and Nikki for this article

FATHER & SON

STORY NUMBER ONE:

Many years ago, Al Capone virtually owned Chicago. Capone wasn't famous for anything heroic. He was notorious for enmeshing the Windy City in everything from bootlegged booze and prostitution to murder.

Capone had a lawyer nicknamed "Easy Eddie". He was his lawyer for a good reason: Eddie was very good! In fact, Eddie's skill at legal maneuvering kept Big Al out of jail for a long time.

To show his appreciation, Capone paid him very well. Not only was the money big, but also, Eddie got special dividends. For instance, he and his family occupied a fenced-in mansion with live-in help and all of the conveniences of the day. The estate was so large that it filled an entire Chicago city block.

Eddie lived the high life of the Chicago mob and gave little consideration to the atrocities that went on around him. Eddie have one soft spot, however. He had a son that he loved dearly. Eddie saw to it that his young son had clothes, cars, and a good education. Nothing was witheld. Price was no object. And, despite his involvement with organized crime, Eddie even tried to teach him right from wrong. Eddie wanted his son to be a better man than he was. Yet, with all his wealth and influence, there were two things he couldn't give his son: he couldn't pass on a good name or a good example.

One day, Easy Eddie reached a difficult decision. Easy Eddie wanted to rectify wrongs he had done. He decided he would go to the authorities and tell the truth about Al Capone, cleanup his tarnished name, and offer his son some semblance about integrity. To do this, he hould have to testify against the mob, and he knew that the cost would be great.

So he testified. Within the year, Easy Eddie's life ended in a blaze of gunfire on a lonely Chicago street. But in his eyes, he had given his son the greatest gift he had to offer, at the greatest price he could ever pay. The police removed from his pockets a rosary, a crucifix, a religious medallion, and a poem clipped from a magazine. The poem read:

The clock of life is wound but once,

And no man has the power

To tell just when the hands will stop

At late or early hour.

Now is the time you own.

Live, love, toil with a will.

Place no faith in time.

For the clock may soon be still.

STORY NUMBER TWO:

World War II produced many heroes. One such man was Lieutenant Commander Butch O'Hare. He was a fighter pilot assigned to the aircarft carrier USS Lexington in the South Pacific. One day, his entire squadron was sent on a mission. After he was airborne, he looked at his fuel gauge and realized that someone has forgotten to top off his fuel tank. He would not have enough fuel to complete his mission and get back to his ship. His flight leader told him to return to the carrier. Reluctantly, he dropped out of formation and headed back to the fleet.

As he was returning to the mother ship he saw something that turned his blood cold: a squadron of Japanese aircraft were speeding their way toward the American fleet. The American fighters were gone on a sortie, and the fleet was all but defenseless. He couldn't reach his squadron and bring them back in time to save the fleet. Nor could he warn the fleet of the approaching danger.

There was only one thing to do. He must somehow divert them from the fleet. Laying aside all thoughts of personal safety, he dove into the formation of Japanese planes. Wing-mounted 50-caliber guns blazed as he charged in, attacking one surprised enemy plane after another.

Butch wove in and out of the now-broken formation and fired at as many plane as possible until all his ammunition as finally spent.

Undaunted, he continued the assault. He dove at the planes, trying to clip a wing or tail in hopes of damaging as many enemy planes as possible and rendering them unfit to fly.

Finally the exasperated Japanese squadron took off in another direction.

Deeply relieved, Butch O'Hare and his tattered fighter limped back to the carrier. Upon arrival, he reported in and related the event surrounding his return. The film from the gun-camera mounted on his plane told the tale. It showed the extent of Butch's daring attempt to protect his fleet.

He had, in fact, destroyed five enemy aircraft.

This took place on February 20, 1942, and for that action Butch became the Navy's first Ace of WWII, and the first Naval Aviator to win the Congressional Medal of Honor.

A year later, Butch was killed in aerial combat at the age of 29.

His hometown would not allow the memory of this WWII hero to fade, and today, O'Hare Airport in Chicago is named in tribute to the courage of this great man.

So, the next time you find yourself at O'Hare International Airport, give some thought to visiting Butch's memorial displaying his statue and his Medal of Honor, It's located between Terminals 1 and 2.

SO, WHAT DO THESE TWO STORIES HAVE TO DO WITH EACH OTHER?

BUTCH O'HARE WAS EASY EDDIE'S SON.

Special thanks to co-worker Ate Merly and daughter, Bam-Bam for this article

THREE TIMES A LADY

by Lionel Richie

Thanks for the times

That you've given me

The memories are all in my mind

And now that we've come

To the end of our rainbow

There's something

I must say out loud

You're once, twice,

Three times a lady

Yes, you're once, twice,

Three times a lady

And I love you

When we are together

The moments I cherish

With every beat of my heart

To touch you, to hold you

To feel you, to need you

There's nothing to keep us apart

You're once, twice,

Three times a lady

And I love you

I love you...

MELANIE MARQUEZ'S CUTEABLE QUOTES

Ray and Nikki, husband and wife, (minions of mine and soon to become American citizens) e-mailed me yesterday. They admonished me for "improperly posting" the article "MELANIE MARQUEZ'S QUOTABLE QUOTES", saying that if I were to publish an article on a Friendster Bulletin, I should have done it completely and accurately, yada, yada, yada...and then they gave me a longer list of Madame Malaprop's infamous remarks.

*Sigh* I didn't get to tell them that the first list came from them. Sheesh...

Anyway, here is the list they gave to me for you to read and enjoy:

1. "I won't stoop down to my level."
2. "Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba?" (points to ear) "Are you dep?"
3. "'Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha 'yan."
4. "Eh, ikaw ba naman durugin ang ari mo...'pag di ka naman manutok ng baril."
5. "We are lovers, not fighters."
6. "My brother is not a girl, he's a gentleman."
7. "That's why I'm a success. It's because I don't middle in other people's lives."
8. "Don't judge my brother, he's not a book."
9. "Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same."
10. "Bakit ang dami mong tanong? You're so questionable."
11. "I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival."
12. During her acceptance speech at a Metro Manila Film Fest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father, Temyong Marquez won an award: "Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat."
13. "Sumasakit ang migraine ko."
14. On her father, the late Director Artemio Marquez before he died: "Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay."
15. When asked if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right: "Period na talaga, wala nang exclamation point."
16. At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek's mother, whom she partly blamed for the separation. "Oo nga," Melanie said, "pero, i-English-in ko na para maintindihan niya." She looked into the camera, and with the peremptoriness of royalty said, "And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you: Ang labo mo!"
17. When asked for a message to her daughter who was allegedly abused by their houseboy: "Don't worry little angel, big angel is here."
18. On what they should do to the houseboy who allegedly molested her daughter: "He should be put behind bar."
19. While waiting backstage during a noontime show after watching Nikki Valdez for her dance number: "Nikki, you're so galing. You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes!"
20. "You can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can fool me thrice, but you can never fool me four!"
21. While in 'Morning Girls with Kris & Korina', promoting her movie with Aleck Bovick: "Please watch 'Hiram', starring Aleck Baldwin and myself. It's director by Romy Suzara"
22. "Hindi ba kayo naawa sa kapatid ko...sa mga kuwento niya? Di ba kayo na-persuave ng mga kuwento niya? Hindi si Joey ang tipong mambubugbog ng babae...talaga lang malapit siya sa mga gulo...pro-accident kasi siya eh."
23. Boy Abunda: "O, Melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong magmo-Mormon ka na?"
    Melanie: "Ah, okay lang 'yon Boy, kasi matagal na rin akong semi-retarded."
24. Boy: "Melanie, anong masasabi mo sa mga lumalabas na tsismis na hindi ka lang daw drug addict, drug pusher ka pa?"
    Melanie: "They are all liars! Tingnan n'yo nga ako, ang payat-payat ko, I am a model!"
25. On the show, 'Showbiz Stripped': "And the base of my observation is..."
26. When asked where she keeps her beauty pageant crown: "I keep my crown in the voltage."
27. During an interview by the late Inday Badiday:
    Inday: "Paano ka nagsu-survive sa mga trials mo?"
    Melanie: "Alam mo Ate Ludz, you know, when you are alone, you really have to step your foot...ah, forward."
28. On the lovelife of her brother Joey and Kris: "They should talk behind the scenes."
29. During an interview on 'The Buzz', after giving birth: "My answers have been prayered!"
30. "At least original ako, piracy siya."

ALLEGED "MELANISMS":

1. "I couldn't care a damn!"
2. "What's your next class before this?"
3. "Can you repeat that for the second time around once more?"
4. "Hello? My brother Joey is out of town...would you like to wait?"
5. "Don't touch me not!"
6. "You're not a boy anymore! You're a man anymore!"
7. "Hello? For a while...please hang yourself."
8. "You can never can tell."
9. "Why should I have a calling card? I'm not a callgirl!"
10. "Why do you have to tell it at my back...I have a face!"

I am spokeless...

If you have more "Melanisms" to add, let me know...

ENGLISH...NOT!

For those who missed the three-part bulletin on Friendster, here is the whole article entitled: ENGLISH...NOT!

Compiled from all-sides, these English-nots are sure to tickle you around and create the feeling of strangling breath before death. Kick English as the second language in the world! Hip-Hip, Hoorey!

Hotel notice, Tokyo:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING IS PLEASE NOT TO READ NOTIS.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

In a Leipzig elevator:
DO NOT ENTER THE LIFT BACKWARD, AND ONLY WHEN LIT UP.

Hotel elevator, Belgrade:
TO MOVE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD ENTER MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHING FLOOR. DRIVING IS THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.

Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel, Athens:
VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9 AND 11 AM DAILY.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from an Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND, COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

Outside a dress shop, Paris:
DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING.

Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong:
LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.

Tailor Shop, Rhodes:
ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.

From the "Soviet Weekly":
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Hotel, Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR EXAMPLE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

From a Russian book on Chess:
A LOT OF WATER HAS BEEN PASSED UNDER THE BRIDGE SINCE THIS VARIATION HAS BEEN PLAYED.

A laundromat in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

The box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
STOP. DRIVE SIDEWAYS.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Tokyo shop:
OUR NYLONS COST MORE THAN COMMON, BUT YOU'LL FIND THAT THEY ARE THE BEST IN THE LONG RUN.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner in Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN, TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
ENGLISH WELL TALKING.
HERE SPEECHING AMERICAN.

Special thanks to my cousin Jenny and her friend Joelyn for this article

TRANSFORMERS FILM REVIEW

I have seen the movie "Transformers" last month at Robinson's Movie World, Galleria with a couple of close friends.

The storyline is not too complicated for newbies to watch but for those who are fans of the first Transformers series on TV, it is a must and the characters are well-played. The CGI blends well with the actors and scenery. This film has a good combination of live-action, and adequate story-telling, with a good dose of laughter and a sprinkle of drama.

The guys (and girl, sorry , Nikki) I'm with are surprisingly silent throughout the film, which really amazed me. During those rare times that I watch a movie with them, I couldn't understand the dialog of the characters, much less understand the plot due to the incessant chatter (editorial comments, blood-curdling screaming, demonic laughter). There are a few things that makes these minions of mine as inert as a rock, and this film is one of them, but I digress...

The story is all about the race for the "Allspark", a thingamabob that looks like a Star Trek "Borg Cube", that was lost during the war between the Autobots (robotic good guys with the ability to "transform" into a vehicle, among other things) and Decepticons (bad guys, same abilities) in Cybertron (their home planet). It was said by Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen, the original voice of Prime in the first animation series), leader of the Autobots, that finding this Allspark is top-priority as it is ultra-super-wonderful-mega-hanep sa wow-grabe-powerful that it gives life to non-living things. This Allspark somehow landed on Earth at the frozen Arctic. Megatron (the meanest, baddest bastiche leader of the Decepticons), also crash-landed on Earth but somehow made dormant due to the electromagnetic interference of the planet. The main character, Sam Witwicky (played by Shia LaBoeuf, "Leo" of Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle), whose grandfather accidentally discovers Megatron and the Allspark. Somehow, the location of the All-Spark got imprinted in the old explorer's eyeglasses (eyng? go figure...).

Sam Witwicky is your typical American teenager, albeit a nerdy one. The gangly lad wants to sell his grandfather's eyeglasses at e-bay to have enough money for a new car, which happens to be Bumblebee (no, he's not the cute Volks this time). I am guessing that Bumblebee is the second 'bot that came to Earth and was assigned to protect Sam.

A few cute moments were integrated in the film to establish the love interest between the main character, Sam, and Mikaela (Megan Fox, a certified babe, check those sultry eyes, pouting lips, curvaceous body...), with Bumblebee playing cupid.

Meanwhile, a Decepticon spy (a boombox, similar to Sound Wave, but without the harmonica-like voice) have also landed on Earth, attempting to discover the location of the Allspark. The spy hacked into America's Department of Defense, creating a virus that also disabled the country's defense and communications systems.

Hmmm... Imagine if the 'Cons tried to hack into our database... Wait, who am I kidding? Do we even have a database? Hehehehe....

Anyway, the 'Cons successfully found a way to discover the location of the Allspark. So, the race for the elder Witwicky's eyeglasses have started, with Bumblebee signaling for help.

Help came in the form of four Autobots (Prime, Jazz, Ironhide, & Ratchet, who took in the appearance of GM vehicles). The Decepticons also called for back-up (Scorponok, Star Scream, Barricade, Wreckage, & Blackout, each sporting a much-cooler form: scorpion, a jet fighter, police car, tank, and attack copter).

Battle scenes ended up in the city. It seemed that the Autobots were winning at first, until Megatron (as a futuristic fighter jet) showed up. The bastiche even bisected poor Jazz! Optimus Prime's last option is to sacrifice his life and destroy the Allspark so that Megatron cannot use it, but Sam instead used the Allspark to destroy Megatron.

In the end, the 'Cons were thrown into the deepest parts of the ocean, while the 'Bots opted to stay, although hidden, on Earth. Optimus Prime sends a message to all 'Bots in space, inviting them to come to Earth and live with the humans.

*sniff* *sniff* I smell a sequel. Well, it's either that or my deodorant is nearing expiration point...

CHEERS & JEERS:

CHARACTER: I wish there were more of the Autobots and Decepticons in the movie. I like the part where Prime is dangling from the bridge like a gorilla. It's like a tribute to the first CG animation of the Transformers: Beastwars. The voice of Prime gave me a twinge of nostalgia. I would have liked Jazz to survive, though. Bumblebee's voice, at first, made me think about the Autobot Wreckgar (a Junkion) whose speech was amalgamated from various TV and radio dialogs.

SPECIAL EFFECTS: The CGIs really gave me the impression that it's real and that the robots are heavy. Fights scenes between robots were too fast for me and a bit grainy on close-up, but impressive nonetheless.

GRIPES: Why is it that the life-giving All-Spark, when it creates life in a thing, makes it evil? During the movie, I think it gave life to at least two non-living things: a Nokia cellphone and a Vendo Machine, both of which immediately transformed and started to beat the crap out of everything else. I also miss Star Scream's irritating, teeth-numbing, screeching, parang-pinupunit-na-yero voice. The transformation between robot mode and vehicle mode is much too slow for me, but I dig the sounds of transformation.

RECOMMENDATIONS: I would definitely see it one more time on DVD. It is sure to have lots of deleted scenes, plus I could watch the film on slow-mo, to follow the battle scenes more closely. All in all, it is definitely a very good movie. My friends and I even gave a standing ovation after the show, hooting and cheering with the audience.