THREE TIMES A LADY

by Lionel Richie

Thanks for the times

That you've given me

The memories are all in my mind

And now that we've come

To the end of our rainbow

There's something

I must say out loud

You're once, twice,

Three times a lady

Yes, you're once, twice,

Three times a lady

And I love you

When we are together

The moments I cherish

With every beat of my heart

To touch you, to hold you

To feel you, to need you

There's nothing to keep us apart

You're once, twice,

Three times a lady

And I love you

I love you...

MELANIE MARQUEZ'S CUTEABLE QUOTES

Ray and Nikki, husband and wife, (minions of mine and soon to become American citizens) e-mailed me yesterday. They admonished me for "improperly posting" the article "MELANIE MARQUEZ'S QUOTABLE QUOTES", saying that if I were to publish an article on a Friendster Bulletin, I should have done it completely and accurately, yada, yada, yada...and then they gave me a longer list of Madame Malaprop's infamous remarks.

*Sigh* I didn't get to tell them that the first list came from them. Sheesh...

Anyway, here is the list they gave to me for you to read and enjoy:

1. "I won't stoop down to my level."
2. "Hello? Bulag ka ba? Bingi ka ba?" (points to ear) "Are you dep?"
3. "'Yung STD, baka sa maruming toilet lang niya nakuha 'yan."
4. "Eh, ikaw ba naman durugin ang ari mo...'pag di ka naman manutok ng baril."
5. "We are lovers, not fighters."
6. "My brother is not a girl, he's a gentleman."
7. "That's why I'm a success. It's because I don't middle in other people's lives."
8. "Don't judge my brother, he's not a book."
9. "Kapatid ko pa rin siya. We are one and the same."
10. "Bakit ang dami mong tanong? You're so questionable."
11. "I don't eat meat. I'm not a carnival."
12. During her acceptance speech at a Metro Manila Film Fest awards night where her bioflick, directed by her late father, Temyong Marquez won an award: "Eto na po ang pinakamaligayang pasko at manigong taon sa inyong lahat."
13. "Sumasakit ang migraine ko."
14. On her father, the late Director Artemio Marquez before he died: "Ang tatay ko ang only living legend na buhay."
15. When asked if her present husband, Adam Lawyer, is her Mr. Right: "Period na talaga, wala nang exclamation point."
16. At a talk show after her break-up with Derek Dee, Melanie was asked if she had some words for Derek's mother, whom she partly blamed for the separation. "Oo nga," Melanie said, "pero, i-English-in ko na para maintindihan niya." She looked into the camera, and with the peremptoriness of royalty said, "And to you, Mrs. Dee, I have two words for you: Ang labo mo!"
17. When asked for a message to her daughter who was allegedly abused by their houseboy: "Don't worry little angel, big angel is here."
18. On what they should do to the houseboy who allegedly molested her daughter: "He should be put behind bar."
19. While waiting backstage during a noontime show after watching Nikki Valdez for her dance number: "Nikki, you're so galing. You should go to the States. You will sell hotcakes!"
20. "You can fool me once, you can fool me twice, you can fool me thrice, but you can never fool me four!"
21. While in 'Morning Girls with Kris & Korina', promoting her movie with Aleck Bovick: "Please watch 'Hiram', starring Aleck Baldwin and myself. It's director by Romy Suzara"
22. "Hindi ba kayo naawa sa kapatid ko...sa mga kuwento niya? Di ba kayo na-persuave ng mga kuwento niya? Hindi si Joey ang tipong mambubugbog ng babae...talaga lang malapit siya sa mga gulo...pro-accident kasi siya eh."
23. Boy Abunda: "O, Melanie, paano na ang showbiz career mo ngayong magmo-Mormon ka na?"
    Melanie: "Ah, okay lang 'yon Boy, kasi matagal na rin akong semi-retarded."
24. Boy: "Melanie, anong masasabi mo sa mga lumalabas na tsismis na hindi ka lang daw drug addict, drug pusher ka pa?"
    Melanie: "They are all liars! Tingnan n'yo nga ako, ang payat-payat ko, I am a model!"
25. On the show, 'Showbiz Stripped': "And the base of my observation is..."
26. When asked where she keeps her beauty pageant crown: "I keep my crown in the voltage."
27. During an interview by the late Inday Badiday:
    Inday: "Paano ka nagsu-survive sa mga trials mo?"
    Melanie: "Alam mo Ate Ludz, you know, when you are alone, you really have to step your foot...ah, forward."
28. On the lovelife of her brother Joey and Kris: "They should talk behind the scenes."
29. During an interview on 'The Buzz', after giving birth: "My answers have been prayered!"
30. "At least original ako, piracy siya."

ALLEGED "MELANISMS":

1. "I couldn't care a damn!"
2. "What's your next class before this?"
3. "Can you repeat that for the second time around once more?"
4. "Hello? My brother Joey is out of town...would you like to wait?"
5. "Don't touch me not!"
6. "You're not a boy anymore! You're a man anymore!"
7. "Hello? For a while...please hang yourself."
8. "You can never can tell."
9. "Why should I have a calling card? I'm not a callgirl!"
10. "Why do you have to tell it at my back...I have a face!"

I am spokeless...

If you have more "Melanisms" to add, let me know...

ENGLISH...NOT!

For those who missed the three-part bulletin on Friendster, here is the whole article entitled: ENGLISH...NOT!

Compiled from all-sides, these English-nots are sure to tickle you around and create the feeling of strangling breath before death. Kick English as the second language in the world! Hip-Hip, Hoorey!

Hotel notice, Tokyo:
IS FORBIDDEN TO STEAL HOTEL TOWELS PLEASE. IF YOU ARE NOT A PERSON TO DO SUCH A THING IS PLEASE NOT TO READ NOTIS.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant:
OUR WINES LEAVE YOU NOTHING TO HOPE FOR.

In a Tokyo bar:
SPECIAL COCKTAILS FOR THE LADIES WITH NUTS.

In a Bangkok Temple:
IT IS FORBIDDEN TO ENTER A WOMAN EVEN A FOREIGNER IF DRESSED AS A MAN.

Hotel room notice, Chiang-Mai, Thailand:
PLEASE DO NOT BRING SOLICITORS INTO YOUR ROOM.

Hotel brochure, Italy:
THIS HOTEL IS RENOWNED FOR ITS PEACE AND SOLITUDE. IN FACT, CROWDS FROM ALL OVER THE WORLD FLOCK HERE TO ENJOY ITS SOLITUDE.

Hotel lobby, Bucharest:
THE LIFT IS BEING FIXED FOR THE NEXT DAY. DURING THAT TIME WE REGRET THAT YOU WILL BE UNBEARABLE.

In a Leipzig elevator:
DO NOT ENTER THE LIFT BACKWARD, AND ONLY WHEN LIT UP.

Hotel elevator, Belgrade:
TO MOVE THE CABIN, PUSH BUTTON FOR WISHING FLOOR. IF THE CABIN SHOULD ENTER MORE PERSONS, EACH ONE SHOULD PRESS A NUMBER OF WISHING FLOOR. DRIVING IS THEN GOING ALPHABETICALLY BY NATIONAL ORDER.

Hotel elevator, Paris:
PLEASE LEAVE YOUR VALUES AT THE FRONT DESK.

Hotel, Athens:
VISITORS ARE EXPECTED TO COMPLAIN AT THE OFFICE BETWEEN THE HOURS OF 9 AND 11 AM DAILY.

Hotel, Yugoslavia:
THE FLATTENING OF UNDERWEAR WITH PLEASE IS THE JOB OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

Hotel, Japan:
YOU ARE INVITED TO TAKE ADVANTAGE OF THE CHAMBERMAID.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from an Russian Orthodox monastery:
YOU ARE WELCOME TO VISIT THE CEMETERY WHERE FAMOUS RUSSIAN AND SOVIET COMPOSERS, ARTISTS, AND WRITERS ARE BURIED DAILY EXCEPT THURSDAY.

Hotel catering to skiers, Austria:
NOT TO PERAMBULATE THE CORRIDORS IN THE HOURS OF REPOSE IN THE BOOTS OF ASCENSION.

Taken from a menu, Poland:
SALAD A FIRM'S OWN MAKE; LIMPID RED BEET SOUP WITH CHEESY DUMPLINGS IN THE FORM OF A FINGER; ROASTED DUCK LET LOOSE; BEEF RASHERS BEATEN IN THE COUNTRY PEOPLE'S FASHION.

Supermarket, Hong Kong:
FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE, WE RECOMMEND, COURTEOUS, EFFICIENT SELF-SERVICE.

Dry cleaner's, Bangkok:
DROP YOUR TROUSERS HERE FOR THE BEST RESULTS.

Outside a dress shop, Paris:
DRESSES FOR STREET WALKING.

Outside a dress shop, Hong Kong:
LADIES HAVE FITS UPSTAIRS.

Tailor Shop, Rhodes:
ORDER YOUR SUMMERS SUIT. BECAUSE IS BIG RUSH, WE WILL EXECUTE CUSTOMERS IN STRICT ROTATION.

From the "Soviet Weekly":
THERE WILL BE A MOSCOW EXHIBITION OF ARTS BY 15,000 SOVIET REPUBLIC PAINTERS AND SCULPTORS EXECUTED OVER THE PAST TWO YEARS.

In an East African newspaper:
A NEW SWIMMING POOL IS RAPIDLY TAKING SHAPE SINCE THE CONTRACTORS HAVE THROWN IN THE BULK OF THEIR WORKERS.

Hotel, Vienna:
IN CASE OF FIRE, DO YOUR UTMOST TO ALARM THE HOTEL PORTER.

A sign posted in Germany's Black Forest:
IT IS STRICTLY FORBIDDEN ON OUR BLACK FOREST CAMPING SITE THAT PEOPLE OF DIFFERENT SEX, FOR EXAMPLE, MEN AND WOMEN, LIVE TOGETHER IN ONE TENT UNLESS THEY ARE MARRIED WITH EACH OTHER FOR THIS PURPOSE.

Hotel, Zurich:
BECAUSE OF THE IMPROPRIETY OF ENTERTAINING GUESTS OF THE OPPOSITE SEX IN THE BEDROOM, IT IS SUGGESTED THAT THE LOBBY BE USED FOR THIS PURPOSE.

An advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist:
TEETH EXTRACTED BY THE LATEST METHODISTS.

From a Russian book on Chess:
A LOT OF WATER HAS BEEN PASSED UNDER THE BRIDGE SINCE THIS VARIATION HAS BEEN PLAYED.

A laundromat in Rome:
LADIES, LEAVE YOUR CLOTHES HERE AND SPEND THE AFTERNOON HAVING A GOOD TIME.

Tourist agency, Czechoslovakia:
TAKE ONE OF OUR HORSE-DRIVEN CITY TOURS. WE GUARANTEE NO MISCARRIAGES.

Advertisement for donkey rides, Thailand:
WOULD YOU LIKE TO RIDE ON YOUR OWN ASS?

In the window of a Swedish furrier:
FUR COATS MADE FOR LADIES FROM THEIR OWN SKIN.

The box of a clockwork toy in Hong Kong:
GUARANTEED TO WORK THROUGHOUT ITS USEFUL LIFE.

Detour sign in Kyushi, Japan:
STOP. DRIVE SIDEWAYS.

In a Swiss mountain inn:
SPECIAL TODAY - NO ICE CREAM.

Airline ticket office, Copenhagen:
WE TAKE YOUR BAGS AND SEND THEM IN ALL DIRECTIONS.

On the door of a Moscow hotel room:
IF THIS IS YOUR FIRST VISIT TO THE USSR, YOU ARE WELCOME TO IT.

Cocktail lounge, Norway:
LADIES ARE REQUESTED NOT TO HAVE CHILDREN IN THE BAR.

At a Budapest zoo:
PLEASE DO NOT FEED THE ANIMALS. IF YOU HAVE ANY SUITABLE FOOD, GIVE IT TO THE GUARD ON DUTY.

Doctor's office, Rome:
SPECIALIST IN WOMEN AND OTHER DISEASES.

Hotel, Acapulco:
THE MANAGER HAS PERSONALLY PASSED ALL THE WATER SERVED HERE.

In a Tokyo shop:
OUR NYLONS COST MORE THAN COMMON, BUT YOU'LL FIND THAT THEY ARE THE BEST IN THE LONG RUN.

Information booklet about using a hotel air conditioner in Japan:
COOLES AND HEATES: IF YOU WANT JUST CONDITION OF WARM AIR IN YOUR ROOM, PLEASE CONTROL YOURSELF.

Car rental brochure, Tokyo:
WHEN PASSENGER OF FOOT HEAVE IN SIGHT, TOOTLE THE HORN, TRUMPET HIM MELODIOUSLY AT FIRST, BUT IF HE STILL OBSTACLES YOUR PASSAGE, THEN TOOTLE HIM WITH VIGOR.

Two signs from a Majorcan shop entrance:
ENGLISH WELL TALKING.
HERE SPEECHING AMERICAN.

Special thanks to my cousin Jenny and her friend Joelyn for this article

TRANSFORMERS FILM REVIEW

I have seen the movie "Transformers" last month at Robinson's Movie World, Galleria with a couple of close friends.

The storyline is not too complicated for newbies to watch but for those who are fans of the first Transformers series on TV, it is a must and the characters are well-played. The CGI blends well with the actors and scenery. This film has a good combination of live-action, and adequate story-telling, with a good dose of laughter and a sprinkle of drama.

The guys (and girl, sorry , Nikki) I'm with are surprisingly silent throughout the film, which really amazed me. During those rare times that I watch a movie with them, I couldn't understand the dialog of the characters, much less understand the plot due to the incessant chatter (editorial comments, blood-curdling screaming, demonic laughter). There are a few things that makes these minions of mine as inert as a rock, and this film is one of them, but I digress...

The story is all about the race for the "Allspark", a thingamabob that looks like a Star Trek "Borg Cube", that was lost during the war between the Autobots (robotic good guys with the ability to "transform" into a vehicle, among other things) and Decepticons (bad guys, same abilities) in Cybertron (their home planet). It was said by Optimus Prime (voiced by Peter Cullen, the original voice of Prime in the first animation series), leader of the Autobots, that finding this Allspark is top-priority as it is ultra-super-wonderful-mega-hanep sa wow-grabe-powerful that it gives life to non-living things. This Allspark somehow landed on Earth at the frozen Arctic. Megatron (the meanest, baddest bastiche leader of the Decepticons), also crash-landed on Earth but somehow made dormant due to the electromagnetic interference of the planet. The main character, Sam Witwicky (played by Shia LaBoeuf, "Leo" of Charlie's Angels - Full Throttle), whose grandfather accidentally discovers Megatron and the Allspark. Somehow, the location of the All-Spark got imprinted in the old explorer's eyeglasses (eyng? go figure...).

Sam Witwicky is your typical American teenager, albeit a nerdy one. The gangly lad wants to sell his grandfather's eyeglasses at e-bay to have enough money for a new car, which happens to be Bumblebee (no, he's not the cute Volks this time). I am guessing that Bumblebee is the second 'bot that came to Earth and was assigned to protect Sam.

A few cute moments were integrated in the film to establish the love interest between the main character, Sam, and Mikaela (Megan Fox, a certified babe, check those sultry eyes, pouting lips, curvaceous body...), with Bumblebee playing cupid.

Meanwhile, a Decepticon spy (a boombox, similar to Sound Wave, but without the harmonica-like voice) have also landed on Earth, attempting to discover the location of the Allspark. The spy hacked into America's Department of Defense, creating a virus that also disabled the country's defense and communications systems.

Hmmm... Imagine if the 'Cons tried to hack into our database... Wait, who am I kidding? Do we even have a database? Hehehehe....

Anyway, the 'Cons successfully found a way to discover the location of the Allspark. So, the race for the elder Witwicky's eyeglasses have started, with Bumblebee signaling for help.

Help came in the form of four Autobots (Prime, Jazz, Ironhide, & Ratchet, who took in the appearance of GM vehicles). The Decepticons also called for back-up (Scorponok, Star Scream, Barricade, Wreckage, & Blackout, each sporting a much-cooler form: scorpion, a jet fighter, police car, tank, and attack copter).

Battle scenes ended up in the city. It seemed that the Autobots were winning at first, until Megatron (as a futuristic fighter jet) showed up. The bastiche even bisected poor Jazz! Optimus Prime's last option is to sacrifice his life and destroy the Allspark so that Megatron cannot use it, but Sam instead used the Allspark to destroy Megatron.

In the end, the 'Cons were thrown into the deepest parts of the ocean, while the 'Bots opted to stay, although hidden, on Earth. Optimus Prime sends a message to all 'Bots in space, inviting them to come to Earth and live with the humans.

*sniff* *sniff* I smell a sequel. Well, it's either that or my deodorant is nearing expiration point...

CHEERS & JEERS:

CHARACTER: I wish there were more of the Autobots and Decepticons in the movie. I like the part where Prime is dangling from the bridge like a gorilla. It's like a tribute to the first CG animation of the Transformers: Beastwars. The voice of Prime gave me a twinge of nostalgia. I would have liked Jazz to survive, though. Bumblebee's voice, at first, made me think about the Autobot Wreckgar (a Junkion) whose speech was amalgamated from various TV and radio dialogs.

SPECIAL EFFECTS: The CGIs really gave me the impression that it's real and that the robots are heavy. Fights scenes between robots were too fast for me and a bit grainy on close-up, but impressive nonetheless.

GRIPES: Why is it that the life-giving All-Spark, when it creates life in a thing, makes it evil? During the movie, I think it gave life to at least two non-living things: a Nokia cellphone and a Vendo Machine, both of which immediately transformed and started to beat the crap out of everything else. I also miss Star Scream's irritating, teeth-numbing, screeching, parang-pinupunit-na-yero voice. The transformation between robot mode and vehicle mode is much too slow for me, but I dig the sounds of transformation.

RECOMMENDATIONS: I would definitely see it one more time on DVD. It is sure to have lots of deleted scenes, plus I could watch the film on slow-mo, to follow the battle scenes more closely. All in all, it is definitely a very good movie. My friends and I even gave a standing ovation after the show, hooting and cheering with the audience.